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It’s not uncommon for us to feel like we have been mistreated or wronged. When I had received the calling to serve God, I had many close friends and family members who tried to convince me otherwise because they thought they were looking out for my best interest.
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In the Bible, you can find many attributes of God that reveal His character and how He relates to His people. Personally, one that I feel most connected to is His faithfulness. I can testify that He has always been there for me through my ups and downs.
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Growing up in Korea, my family used to move a lot. We probably moved once every year during my elementary school years. Because of this, I didn't have any friends and I hated that. I also didn’t really talk much. When people tried to talk to me, I would simply walk away. I remember people asking me if I could talk or if I were mute. I didn't want to talk to people because I didn't want people to find out things about me or my family. My stepmother also didn't want me to talk to others about us. But once the neighbors found out about us, we would pack up and move, as we always did.
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It’s been a long time since I sat down to think about my father; not my heavenly father, but my earthly one. I still live with him and yes, we talk on occasion but our relationship is far from engaging, let alone loving. We’ve both come a long way, but the memories of our past haunt me through my prayers and permeate beyond the joys of life.
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My father passed away in the fall semester of my freshman year in high school. It felt surreal hearing it that one morning. I didn’t really know what to make of it. Perhaps I felt the way I did because my parents weren’t in a good place before it happened, and I have resented my father for causing pain and hardships toward my mother, even though I don’t think he did it intentionally. He was often frustrated because he couldn’t help the family the way he wanted to due to the language barrier and lack of jobs available. I remember one night my parents were arguing and my father asked if he should leave because he didn’t want to bring the family down.
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I grew up in the most basic, common Korean-American immigrant family. My sister and I always tried to keep our grades above a 90 and our parents would work hard to support us. Money was always an issue in our family but I never really thought much of it.
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I wasn't planning to write a testimony until someone asked me to. In my current situation, it is hard for me to be active at church, but I decided that I would share my testimony for my own good (and maybe for others too).
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I was born and raised in a Christian household, so most of the things that I learned about God came from my early childhood. I learned Bible stories like the flood and the Noah’s Ark, and David’s defeat against Goliath during Saturday schools and Sunday services. I also grew up learning about Bible characters, such as Moses, Joseph, and Jesus. And the most repetitive thing I’ve heard was the phrase, “Jesus loves you.”
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I have two major goals that I want to complete before I meet Jesus face to face.
One of them is to truly understand the Bible. But there was a struggle blocking my path of understanding the Bible. The struggle was that I had very little faith. At times, when I woke up in the middle of the night, I would just think that God isn’t real. When that doubt filled my heart, I would flip through my Bible and just start reading. I read the Book of Acts and read a few chapters. I read about God’s miracles and that made my faith stronger. I thought I was changed and healed at that moment, but I was wrong. I didn’t know how to be a true Christian. It was so hard for me because I knew that there was so much more to being a Christian than just reading the Bible.
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The stage was set, I was in K-town; the night was young, I was at the cusp of hearing ill news. I removed myself from the phone call, deciding in my heart who I would become. He did not know, but in his pain, he let his anguish dictate his future. As Anakin Skywalker would address Palpatine as “master”, so I let loose the chains of all my Christian upbringing and embraced all that the world had to offer.
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For the majority of my college years I struggled with heavy depression and at times I really couldn’t see a purpose or meaning at the end of it all. My depression was a gradual process. As a child, I always had this overwhelming sense of loneliness and emptiness, and it only grew as I got older.
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When someone wrongs you in any shape or form it is very difficult to forgive. To some it may be easy to just forgive and forget but personally I struggle to just let things go. People who’ve cheated me, slandered me, hurt me, or even used me I would just cut them out of my life and move on, but I often find myself being irritable and anxious.
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I was taught in church from a very young age that premarital sex was a sin. I told myself when I was younger that I would save my virginity for my husband because I wanted to obey God and do the right thing. This, as well as my religion, went out the window when I started college at the age of 18. Everyone was having sex around me, and no one else I knew thought it was a sin. If everyone else was doing it, why couldn’t I? So, I lost my virginity in college, and I didn’t stop.
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I’m done for,” I thought. All I had to do was simply finish up the last few weeks of my junior year internship. My pride and unchecked emotions got the best of me as the other interns and I discussed current events on heated international affairs between North Korea and the rest of the world. In the tense group chat conversation, I used a politically incorrect term which was then reported to the human resources department by another intern. As all of the Wall Street internship advice thematically states: “Just stay off the radar and give off the appearance that you work hard, are well liked, and that you know what you’re doing, and you’ll secure the full time offer.” I did everything right, but all it took was one misstep to see my hard work start to dematerialize into thin air. I concluded my internship with a strand of hope that they would call me back with a full time offer so I can come back after graduation.
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One of the biggest struggles that I've been going through ever since high school was watching pornography. I thought it was just a phase for guys to watch it going through puberty, but it became a disease the more I kept falling into it. I knew I was addicted especially in college and felt ashamed because I would go to church and pretend like I am a "good" Christian. I really couldn't help myself but to watch it as years went by and knew I needed help but didn't know the solution.
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