Wilderness Survival Kit : Gus Kim
John 6:9-13 (ESV)
9 “There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?” 10 Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, about five thousand in number. 11 Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. 12 And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, “Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost.” 13 So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves left by those who had eaten. 14 When the people saw the sign that he had done, they said, “This is indeed the Prophet who is to come into the world!”
In the Bible, you can find many attributes of God that reveal His character and how He relates to His people. Personally, one that I feel most connected to is His faithfulness. I can testify that He has always been there for me through my ups and downs. He gave me guidance when I felt lost without a sense of direction in my life. He gave me strength and hope when I was weak and on the verge of giving up. At times when I was distant from Him, He chastised me to bring me back to where I needed to be. All that being said, He has been a faithful God who has always been there for me.
This time last year, I shared about my journey to Grace after graduating from seminary. This was probably one of the most anxious and terrifying moments of my life. I didn't have a job, I had spent almost all of my savings, and our family had no place to go (so we ended up staying temporarily with my parents along with my sister and my niece and nephew in a tiny apartment). This was also when my wife was pregnant without a health insurance. Despite our situation, I strongly felt that God didn’t want me to look for a job or take on any job offer. He wanted me to wait. I really hated it. I hated it because I get easily anxious and patience is not necessarily one of my strengths. Also, I wasn’t in this alone but I had to watch my family suffer with me. It was painful.
One day, I just couldn’t wait any longer and I was ready to give up, so I prayed to God in frustration. This was when God made me realize that what I needed in this situation wasn't financial security or a clear future but faith. In response to God's answer, our family decided to get together and worship every evening seeking for faith. As we read the Bible and prayed together, slowly but certainly God gave us the faith that we needed to overcome our fear.
We were often in tears because we were no longer just reading someone else's story, but we could personally relate to them given the situation we were in. One of the Bible passages that was most impactful to our family was from the Gospel of John. It was the miracle of Jesus where He feeds five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fish, which replicates what the Israelites experienced in the wilderness.
Until this point, there was something about the Israelites that I could’t quite understand. I wondered: "Aren't they the ones who cried out to God to deliver them from the Egyptians and their slavery?" "They are now free and they don’t have to work anymore. Why are they always grumbling and complaining?" They even blamed Moses for bringing them out of Egypt and wanted to go back to slavery. "Isn't freedom better than living as slaves in Egypt?" "Isn’t living in the wilderness better than forced labor?" I just didn’t understand. It didn’t make any sense to me.
But now that I was in the wilderness myself I could somewhat understand what they were going through and I could even relate to them. At least in Egypt, they knew what tomorrow looked like. They knew it was going to be tough but they at least knew. So they could mentally and physically prepare themselves for tomorrow. But what about in the wilderness? They had no idea what tomorrow was going to be like. They didn’t know where they were going to be. They didn’t even know if there was going to be food and water for them to eat and drink. They had absolutely no control over their lives. The only thing they could do was to trust God every day and pray to Him. And do you know what I think is the most frustrating and difficult aspect of the wilderness? You don’t know when it will come to an end. It could take days, months, or even years. Only God knows.
That day, God spoke to us and gave us faith through His Word. His message was clear: “Trust me because I am faithful and I will take care of you!” This was definitely one of the most difficult seasons of my life, but I can confidently say that it was also one of the most rewarding times. Why? I got to experience His faithfulness in a way I never did before.
Are you in the wilderness? Don’t give up. Don’t be afraid. Draw yourself near to God and listen to His voice. He who is faithful will give you the faith and strength that you need. I pray that you may experience the supernatural power, joy, and peace that only come from God’s Word during this year’s Lent. God bless you.