Growing With Love : Anna Kim
Ephesians 4:11-16 (ESV)
1 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
I just came back from the youth group winter retreat and it changed my life… literally. Every retreat I’ve gone I’ve given a testimony. The last retreat I told the youth group, my brothers and sisters, that I would try my best to talk to all of them since our youth group has been struggling with unity. I did not do anything after making this promise. While preparing for our winter retreat, pastor John asked all of us what our expectations were for the retreat. I told him I wanted revival. It wasn't an expectation, but it was what I wanted for myself. Standing up on that stage, praising God while feeling so dry, was like stepping on a Lego. I felt fake and guilty about it. Sure, having revivals with the entire youth group would be great, but I know these kids. I couldn’t imagine it.
During the retreat, I saw a change of heart from my praise team, and this stirred up a fire inside me. I started to genuinely pray to God. I prayed for my whole youth group whenever I had the chance. I felt so desperate, and I prayed with faith that he would change their lives. When pastor Patrick said, “you aren’t Grace church. You are A church,” it really hit me. It changed my perspective completely. It wasn’t just the fact that pastor Patrick said it, but it was because those were the words that God had put in his mouth.
In the beginning, I honestly didn’t like my small group. Everyone was younger than me; I had never talked to many of them. It felt more like babysitting than a retreat. But on the final night, it hit me. I understood why I was put into this group, filled with kids I had never met. As one of the oldest in my group, it was my responsibility to help them meet Jesus and let them know that we are one body in Christ. That’s when I remembered the promise I had made to the youth group, and it broke me. I thought I could help them meet God, but I wasn’t even doing the right things. That night I prayed and prayed for everyone. Even though I knew I should pray for myself, I couldn’t help it. I asked for revival and the small amount of faith I had grown. I saw people, who I never would have imagined, give up their lives to Jesus.
At first, when I had this change of heart, I thought it was just me getting emotional. But everyone was so passionate for God, and I was reminded of what that was like. I don’t think I felt God at this retreat, but I know I saw him. I saw him working, and I know that he loves me. I don’t have to feel it to know it. Even still, I need to constantly ask him to show me his love, but I think that’s what having faith is. It’s believing in something you cannot see. Just like the disciples, even though they saw Jesus doing countless miracles, they still struggled to believe. I think I am the same. I never realized how they easily forgot the miracles that Jesus had done. When I think about it, there were so many times when God would answer my prayers, but I would forget about it.
But the real change will come when I go back home, living the same life I was in before. I don't exactly remember when I first read Ephesians 4, but I remember hearing a service based on these verses. I remembered these verses when pastor Patrick was talking about the body of Christ. Although I grew up in a church community, it didn't feel like a body; we were all just doing our own thing. I know that many of us met God through this retreat, but when we go back home, that's when we start to fall back. It's important to rely on God, but also know that we have a church community here that is always willing to pray for one another. It doesn't matter what kind of role you play, every body part is important, and it's our job to keep every part accountable.
As an individual church, we may be a body of Christ but all churches are united under God. We may struggle with separation or feeling bitter, but that doesn't mean we cannot worship God. I’ve gotten so bold for God, but I still get distracted. That’s when I rely on the people around me to pray for me when I can't. I hope that we all as a family can continue to grow as loving sons and daughters of Christ because I know that our journeys have just begun!