Of All The Miracles : Youngtaek Kim
Isaiah 50:2-3 (ESV)
2 Why, when I came, was there no man; why when I called, was there no one to answer? Is my hand shortened, that it cannot redeem? Or have I no power to deliver? Behold, by my rebuke I dry up the sea, I make the rivers a desert; their fish stink for lack of water and die of thirst. 3 I clothe the heavens with blackness and make sackcloth their covering.
It would be an understatement to say that the book of Isaiah is a difficult read. The prophecies are confusing, the chapters are long, and in my opinion, the author is kind of crazy. I read Isaiah for seven months in Bible Reading Fellowship and every week prompted a blend of hopeful joy and piercing guilt.
By chapter 50, God has been exposing the sins of the Israelites for quite some time. In the verses quoted above, God begins to ask a series of rhetorical questions, and these questions spoke out to me more than any other passage in this book. Why was I absent when God was visiting my heart? Why did I not answer in the moments when He called? Naturally, my heart tried to play dumb and made excuses that I was simply unaware. Yet deep inside my heart I knew exactly why I was absent, and I knew exactly why I did not answer.
For 50 chapters God had been telling me about the idolatry and deception of the Israelites that troubled Him so much. Not once did I think that God was visiting the idolatry in my heart and calling out through the deception of my life. The moment of realization was a terrifying one, and in tears, I was already grasping for forgiveness.
I wished that the piercing would end there but the questions continued, questions that shattered my heart along with the ignorance that encased it. God began asking if it was His fault that I was absent all this time; if there was something wrong with Him that I could not hear His voice. Despite the fact I knew that God knows, I never wanted to hear that from God whom I thought I loved and revered.
It felt like God was beating Himself up because of me, it felt like God was putting all the guilt upon Himself when it was all my fault. I wanted to tell God, “No God, I know you can dry up the sea I’ve seen you do it with the Israelites; no God, I know you can clothe the heavens, I’ve read about it in Genesis, I’ve seen your miracles!” And as I thought about the miracles that God had done, I remembered the one miracle that was most personal to me: I remembered the death and resurrection of my savior Jesus Christ.
God beat Himself up on the cross because of me, He put all the guilt upon Himself when it was all my fault. God gave up everything that He might visit my heart and that I might hear His voice, and He revealed to me the greatest miracle He had ever done. Despite my idolatry, He split the veil, and despite my deception, He clothed me with grace.
I realize now that the rhetorical questions in chapter 50 did not speak out to me simply because I felt guilty. They spoke out to me because I was saved. To God who moves my heart and reminds me always of His love, “Your hand is not too short to save a sinner like me, and you alone are mighty to save!” Thank you, Jesus, for your power and strength, hallelujah.