My Life Is In His Hands : Andrew Lee
Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Not too long ago, church slowly started to become just a habit for me. I felt like I didn’t have a concrete reason to continue going. After serving at my church’s ministry for many years, it felt like I was giving up all my time while receiving nothing in return. It felt like God wasn’t recognizing any of my work. I remember praying to Him about my struggles and yet my problems were never solved. My heart grew more and more distant each week. So when my church’s English Ministry decided to leave and expand out of my childhood church, it felt like the perfect opportunity for me to stop going to church.
It was unclear what God had in store for me. Leaving church left a huge hole in my life. I was trying to fill the gap in my heart with games, working a part-time job, and just hanging out with friends. Whenever a friend would invite me to their church, I would just say that I was busy. I knew I wasn’t ready to go back into a church environment.
After a year of being away from church, I was still doing the same thing. Playing games, working, and hanging out with friends. One day, I remember thinking to myself “what am I doing?”, “What is my purpose?” The questions riddled my heart and I had no answers. A couple of days later, a friend invited me to come to his church and I felt compelled to go. I took this opportunity to find my way back to church. When I decided to go, my heart was so heavy filled with unanswered prayers and doubts. I don’t know exactly why but sitting through service and praise lifted up a lot of my burdens and worries. Even by just being in a church, my spirit felt renewed.
All this time, I felt as though God had no definite plans for my life or future. I thought He had abandoned me after I left church, but I now know that He has never left my side. Even in my stubbornness, God was walking with me and speaking to my heart. I couldn’t fill the void with worldly possessions. I knew I had to come back to God.
The bible verse that helped me understand was Proverbs 3:5-6. I realized that throughout my life, I never really trusted God. Ever since high school, I was always only worried about my future and social status but not what my identity was in Christ. I was chasing worldly possessions instead of God. I was able to reflect on this verse and see how all I needed to do was trust in Him. As easy as that might sound, it was personally very difficult for me. What did it mean to “trust in the Lord”? How will trusting Him help my future? I couldn’t answer these questions until I came back to Church. For a year, I drifted away from the Lord and tried to lean on my own understanding of the world. Everything else in the world has failed me except God. He was the only existence that has truly never failed me. I started to open up my heart again. I began to trust in Him and fully let all my own understandings go. I handed my life over to Him because I know that He will make my path.
I’ve lived my life with such uncertainty. The one constant in my life is God. His promise still stands and I know He has amazing plans in store for me. I decided to stop doubting God and His decisions. I want to live by this bible verse. There will be times when things seem unclear but I know that I can trust in Him and He will reveal my path to me. I want to be able to come back to this verse and lay everything down to Him. This is my confidence. He will never fail.