Day 11 – Jane Song

1. What do you do for a living? (occupation/field of study)

I’m currently in my last semester of undergrad, majoring in Sociology and minoring in Education.

2. How do you like to spend your free time?

I love going to cafes, exploring new places, taking photos and laying down in the grass at a park when it’s warm. 

3. Share one interesting fact about you that most people don’t know.

I was born in Flushing but I grew up in Georgia, Korea, Italy and Kansas. It’s cool that Flushing feels like home now. 

4. Do you have a favorite book in the Bible? If you do, which one is it and why?

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it has to be the Gospel of John. Sophomore year in college, I secretly hated it because I had to read it several times for different occasions and in one particular instance had to prepare a bible study on John 3. It’s ironic because when I was younger, it was through Nicodemus that I actually realized that I was a Pharisee and felt like a sinner despite claiming to be Christian. Through the Bible study preparation, for the first time I realized that Nicodemus was saved and though he was a Pharisee, Jesus was patient with him. He didn’t only come to save the unbelievers, but there was also hope for prideful, religious people like me to truly receive Christ. 

5. Is there a verse/passage in the Bible that has significantly impacted your life? If so, which is it and why?

John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” This verse is a verse I found to be relevant in any season of my life. Growing up, I always wanted to be a good Christian and to me, that meant arriving at a certain level of faithfulness and staying there. I was often disappointed when I didn’t feel as righteous as I wanted to be. When I felt like I was rebelling yet also felt my heart wasn’t humble enough or ready to repent, I would run away from God. I guess I still do sometimes, but I think this verse has taught me and keeps reminding me that faith is never static and we have to choose each and every day to remain in Him. And the reason why I must choose to remain in Him is because there is nothing I can do apart from Him. The verse became relevant to me once I meditated on this fact that truly, there is nothing (no goodness, no fruit, no good works, etc.) that I can do without Christ. 

6. Is there a prayer request that has been on your heart recently? If so, please share with us.

My prayer request is that all of my hope will truly be in Jesus and to remain in Him in the midst of the trials and temptations. I feel like for the first time in my life, I am confronting how often I choose (key word) to sit in darkness rather than faith, hope, love and His truth. 1 Peter 1:3-6

7. Tell us about how you met Christ? (feel free to share a brief testimony).

As a kid, Sundays were always the days I woke up cranky and fought with my siblings while getting ready for church in the mornings. I hated that feeling of being angry and dirty inside, but having to wipe away the frown and tears the moment I stepped into church and put on a smile. My dad was charismatic, funny and warm, but also scary and punishment was my siblings’ shared experience. In the same way, I feared God and I tried to do all the right things and say all the right words in my prayers. Fast forward to high school, I was full of anxiety and doubt about my faith. Not only that, I experienced a lot of my own depravity, depression and brokenness. When I went off to college, I thought I was doing fine because I had adjusted on campus and had a Christian community I loved. I didn’t realize until later that I was still trying to earn God’s love as I served in my Christian ministry at school to the point of burn out and I operated out of a place of fear. 

The thing that I was obsessed with and made me miserable was the question of what I “should” be doing but am not doing. I remember meeting my spiritual mentor once and one thing she said to me that I’ll never forget is, “Where is Jesus in all of that? Jane, what if you are just a terrible person in need of God’s grace and forgiveness?” (She knew me well and had heard me anxiously talk about these “what-ifs” and “shoulds” non-stop before she challenged my greatest fear.) I thought God was a police, who watched my every thought and intention. You don't run to the accuser in times of help, you hide. I was trying so hard and I wanted to be this perfect Christian, so I could feel close to Him and not have to hide. I felt so angry and bitter, yet so much condemnation filled my mind even as I felt anger. There just was no way out. The same spiritual mentor would help me see God’s grace through her own gentleness towards me in my brokenness, daring me to believe that God was for me and not against me. I began to believe that He cared for me more than I cared for me. He wanted me to succeed in my faith more than I wanted to pursue faith. More and more He revealed His deep love for me as His beloved daughter through the Bible and other people. He constantly dared me to believe that He was promising me more than I could imagine. The lies linger often to steal my joy, but now I am not alone in my suffering and I am learning to keep coming to Him.